My Narc EX-perience

What ... was ... i .... thinking....

Im sure many of us ask ourselves this same question, everyday.

I think about it often, a time long ago, a person i barely remember..
17 , ahhhh... but who thinks at 17 .

i guess i should introduce myself ,, Sam here ..
no im not 17.. but i once was, what feels oddly so far away , yet not so long ago.
currently i am a 36 year old mom of 3 awesome kids..i may be biased, but they really are 3 of my favorite people.

but this blog isnt alot to do with them, and is at the same time.. bear with me .
i dont even know if i will publish this but some nights when i cant sleep , and my mind is racing it helps to write things down.

i will say mostly when i am stressed. i am far from a writer. so this will not be anywhere near perfect.

anyways back to my thought.. what was i thinking, well really because i was 17 .. i was thinking all kinds of mushy fantasy, lovey crap..

Id seen this dude at a party, new years eve.. i wasnt a drinker, made me sick so i never understood what the big deal about getting drunk was.. i was the stoner chick.. quietly happy with my smoke watching everyone else act a fool.. i liked having my wits about me , and smoking pot would let me have some fun whilst maintaining my standards...

i was a stoner chick ya... but i was also a bit of a prude lol .. anyways i saw this guy and the very first thing i think to myself is " i gotta stay away from him , hes trouble"

ugh >>>> follow your gut people... i mean i played it off that night as something entirely different than what i believe it was.. but when i look back now i can just shake my head.

he ended up being the out of town relative to a friend of mine , and he noticed me too.. and persued me 
through his cousin , my friend. 

he found out i had a boyfriend at the time who was a jerk to me, and i guess he thought i needed some saving
or more likely an easy supply target.

and i guess i was.. unknowing,

i thought i was so wise.. i guess with decent reason , i was for my age.. for the same reasons i have ended up here.. sounds so silly to me. again bear with me i will explain, but its a damn long story. 

my life story really. 

i think thats for another post though. we wended up spending an evening together with our friends and exchanged numbers .. the rest is history now at this point.

we talked all of the time , i visited him, he visited me and by the end of march 1997 we were living together.
i 17  ... he 19 at this point.